Gentle Discipline; My Journey

As a child I longed for connection with my parents. They loved me very much and did the best they could teaching and disciplining. . . and punishing. I hated spanking and how angry it made me. I felt like I wasn’t heard and how I felt didn’t matter. I longed for my mom to talk to me and ask why I was acting up and angry. I ached to be safe and comforted in the time I was experiencing a tumultuous change from being a child to becoming an adult. I vowed I would never spank my child.

For years, I didn’t know there was such a thing as Gentle Discipline or Grace-Based Discipline. While I was pregnant with Elisabeth, I came across the Arms of Love and Fellowship website and realized it described was what I had hoped and longed for.

I’ve read and studied, but now I am learning that putting it into practice is work. Of course, anyone who has children knows they are work. 

Grace-Based Discipline made sense to me. Children need models. I am learning as much as I teach Elisabeth—which is often scary! How I act, how I say things are what I will see from her in the coming months and years.

I am learning to speak gently, to expect of myself what I expect of her—and that is downright difficult!

I catch myself rolling my eyes or raising my voice or sighing or just plain being crabby and mean. I am so thankful that God is graceful and forgives me for being selfish. And thankfully, Elisabeth is forgiving also. Yesterday I read a mom’s blog of trying to hurry out the door and erupting at her daughters with angry words. She caught herself and apologized. Her story broke my heart because it’s my story. I get angry and say hurtful, sharp words to my daughters with tender souls. That is not who I want to be. I want to daily show grace, to speak with kindness and mercy (Colossians 4:6). I don’t want to be angry and punitive. God calls us to repentance through His kindness (Romans 2:4). He gently convicts me and calls my heart to turn towards Him. I do not want to get in the way of letting God speak to my children’s hearts. He doesn’t shame and make me feel guilty, but He shows me there is a better way. He invites me to an intimate relationship with Him.

I want to love as He does, to remember my little ones are growing and watching. I want the way I parent to be reflection of my relationship with God. And that means spending time with Him. It means giving up time I’d rather be online or reading or just doing my own thing to read “Go, Dog, Go” for 1,436th time! It is often hard to remember now that I am building, moment by moment, relationships that will last my whole life. I am leaving a legacy. Being a mom and being a child isn’t easy, but it is a journey we are all on.